Darkness
by jules12
Summary: Ron's descent into darkness...what happens when angst is left unattended for far too long.
1. Chapter One

Darkness  
  
By Jules  
  
Chapter One  
  
Ron's eyes snapped open, only to be greeted by the angst he'd tucked away the night before. His pallid, freckled hand wiped the sleep from his eyes, the grogginess of his head eating away at the crumbling dreams that once romped playfully throughout his mind. He felt sick. The curtains of the maroon four poster bed shrouded him in darkness, not the usual comforting darkness but a boring, disgusting darkness that filled his soul with anguish. He lifted the corner of the curtain carefully to check the time, 3 'o clock...strange. An overwhelming sense of abhorrence surrounded him. He never thought it possible, but Hogwarts was getting to him.  
  
He laid his head back onto his down pillow, the blankets covering him stifling hot. Ron let out a sigh as he shoved them off. A dull headache pounded annoyingly through his temples, increasing his roommate Neville's snores into an incessant roaring pain.  
  
The fire within the room blazed. Any normal fire would reduce to embers as the night trudged on, but not at Hogwarts...nothing at Hogwarts was normal. Ron reached his stick-like arm out of the curtains of the four poster bed, not bothering to look as he felt around his night table for his wand. Knocking over several trinkets, quills, and bundles of Harry's junk, he finally found his tiny, willow wand out from under the clutter. Damn Harry and his crap, thought Ron, flicking off the ants that flocked to Harry's candy remnants that littered the floor and everywhere else. Seizing the seemingly simple wooden stick, he pointed it directly at the fire, instantaneously extinguishing it entirely.  
  
The room no longer felt sickly warm, yet it was still unbearable for the red headed young man who tossed upon his bed. He couldn't help ignoring it, but the room stank. Harry had gotten back from Quidditch practice at nearly 11:30, covered in mud and too exhausted to shower. I'll do it later, I'm too goddamn tired and I've got to study six fucking chapters of Transfiguration, he'd said. That's fine for you, Ron thought, but I'd like to see you try and live with your bloody stench.  
  
Ron turned over onto his side as he mused angrily about the events the night before. Finals week was at its height, Hermione was bitterly cross about her studies, Harry spent all his time at Quidditch practicing for the cup, and Ron was forced to simply sit by himself, pitifully trying to cram an entire year of learning into his head. He had had quite enough. It felt as if the more time he spent at Hogwarts the more unhappy he became.  
  
Yet it wasn't only finals week that made him uncomfortable, his entire sixth year seemed to be completely horrible. Harry had been made captain of the Gryfffindor Quidditch team, as expected, and Hermione had taken an internship at the Daily Prophet in Hogsmeade. Ron was left very much alone with nothing to do. As Harry and Hermione went off to their respective engagements, Ron was forced to sit with the very dull Dean and Seamus, watching them play endless games of Exploding Snap. Ron had asked them a few times if they'd rather do anything else, yet he only got mutters of contempt in reply.  
  
The few times that he was actually able to come in contact with his best friends, they had nothing better to do but talk of themselves. Ron heard their rather annoying anecdotes run through his head. Oh, good God, I had six hours of Quidditch practice last night and I'm bloody tired. I didn't necessarily have to be there, but I had to, you know, seeing as I'm the captain and all. Can't let my players slip. Can't just have them fall on their asses when the cup rolls around, can I? Ron only nodded in approval before, his witty comebacks waiting until the dead of night to come to him. Well no, Harry, you don't have to be there.but you're so bloody overbearing I'm sure your players are just wishing you'd fall on YOUR ass. Ron congratulated himself for thinking this. Telling Harry off in his mind seemed to lift his spirit just a bit.  
  
There was a time when Ron could go to Hermione for refuge from Harry's sanctimonious chatter, seeing as how she used to be his girlfriend and all. She technically still was actually, yet it sure as hell didn't feel like it. Ron only saw Hermione once a day, after lunch where they routinely, boringly held hands, kissed each other promptly and plodded on to their respective classes. That was literally all the time Hermione had for what she thought of as her boyfriend in their sixth year.  
  
A bitterness ached at the pit of Ron's stomach when he dwelt on thoughts of Hermione, as if she had left a large throbbing sore to eat away at his soul when she left his life. Yet what really got to him was that she didn't even seem to notice. She just plain didn't notice that they had drifted apart. For all she knew, their relationship was goddamn poetic. But it wasn't. The two barely knew each other anymore, and what was once supposed to be love was now absolutely nothing. Nothing at all, and Ron tried his best not to think about it.  
  
Ron waited feverishly for the summer holidays to begin. He simply couldn't resist the sweet, guilty pleasure of knowing both Harry and Hermione would be miserable for three glorious months. Harry's holidays were to be spent, for the first time in a few years, with his scum-of-the- earth relatives the Dursleys. Known to lock poor Harry in closets and relish in his pain, Harry's kin were once a subject of scorn to Ron. There was a time when he was sympathetic; it even used to hurt him to watch Harry suffer. Yet it certainly wasn't so anymore. The way Harry lived his life at Hogwarts, he deserved the torture he felt as the holidays wore on. Ron relished in the thought of Harry longing for his company, thinking blissfully of the days when his supposed best friend would invite him for the summer. This summer was different, however. Things had changed. Harry had changed. Famous Harry Potter and his bloody scar, Ron thought for the thousandth time, yanking mindlessly at the sleeves of his tattered pajamas.  
  
Hermione wouldn't be faring very well either as well. Forced (by her own damn extrinsic self-image) into helping the poor in the wilds of Cambodia, she was determined to place something absolutely magnificent on her application to the Ministry of Magic when her years at Hogwarts were over and done with. Spending most of his young adult life with this girl alone, Ron knew her better than himself, and he knew how unlike her own character a deed like this was. Ron, I need to do it, don't you understand? The Ministry expects a great deal of humanitarian work, now you know that. Hermione restated in Ron's mind. They need guidance, they need help. Their country's in ruins. Don't make us part on bad terms. Too late, Ron thought. Hermione, his supposed girlfriend, who was known to spend months at a time sitting among the stagnant air of the library, had probably never spent more than two hours in the open air, much less help a slew of half- starved natives in a humid, malaria ridden third world country.  
  
Ron's musings were disrupted by the sudden squawk of Harry's snowy owl, who sat in a cage next to his bed. The sudden discord caused the subconscious rustling of blankets from the various boys who occupied the room, yet none but Ron was actually awake. That fucking owl, Ron thought, his gangly arm reaching for the closest textbook and heaving it at the flimsy cage. The cage clattered loudly as it fell to the floor, the large bird crying with rants of rage. A rustling of blankets ensued once more, yet no one rose from their beds, despite the noise. Seems right, Ron thought, nobody ever seems to notice what I do around here.  
  
Ron noticed the room's temperature had gone down considerably as he lay back down upon his pillow, pulling the woolen blankets up to his chin. He closed his eyes slowly as he turned onto his side, descending into a reverie of revenge and redemption. They'll need me, Ron thought, they'll ache as I have. They'll feel the pain that I've felt.  
  
Author's Note: So.how is it? Reviews are appreciated. Questions, comments, angry rants.please: quintessentialhappenstance@yahoo.com 


	2. Chapter Two

Darkness  
  
By jules  
  
Chapter Two  
  
"Mum sent a letter with Pig. This is just bloody smashing," Ginny sighed as she shoved the battered roll of parchment into her brother's bewildered face, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Her eyes rolled as she angrily dropped herself onto the nearest arm chair. "I get a bloody week to spend with Harry this summer. A goddamn WEEK, for Christ's sake," she muttered to herself.  
  
"What the hell are you getting at?" Ron hissed as he unrolled the parchment and read the tidy print of his mother's handwriting. He very soon knew what made his sister so cross, yet his reaction was quite the contrary. A broad smile edged across his freckled face as he read:  
  
Ron and Ginny:  
  
I beg your pardon for the late news I'm about to tell. However, Bill has just informed your father and I of some rather important events that will occur during the summer holidays. He will visit the Burrow, as usual, directly after the two of you arrive from Hogwarts. Yet once we have spent a good week with him at home, we will be accompanying him back to Egypt for a vacation I feel we have long awaited. I know the two of you enjoyed our trip a few years ago when your father won that lottery, and we were scheduled to make another two years from now, after Ginny's schooling was over and the galleons were available. Nevertheless, Bill, being the brilliant boy that he is, recently told us that he found himself with a large sum of gold recently. I suspect Gringotts has given him a rather large bonus. Bill told us he'd be glad to provide the gold for room, board, and whatever sight-seeing needs we may have. Your father and I are swelling with pride. I believe a bit of sun will be good for all of us. Then once we find ourselves back at The Burrow you'll both have about a week before the start of the new term at Hogwarts. All in all, that makes about three months in Egypt. Do well on your exams, and be sure to send an owl to your brother to thank him for his kindness.  
  
Lots of love to you both,  
  
Mum  
  
"What so bad about this, eh?" Ron asked as he looked down at his sister, watching her face grow crimson.  
  
"What's so bad? What's so bad? What the hell do you mean, What's so bad?" Ginny swelled, her long fingernails digging into the soft down of the arm chair. "We're spending our entire holiday away! Away from England, away from civilization, away from everything. I would have thought you'd been a little more sensitive,"  
  
"What? I have to be in tune with every single one of your bloody thoughts?! I'm more in touch with things than you think I am. And I know full well you don't give a damn whether we're away from England. You said it yourself, you're going to be away from Harry," Ron spat, Harry's name exuding from his mouth like a mortal curse. Ginny's eyes narrowed.  
  
"Look, I don't know what the hell's wrong with you, but you better get over your shit with him fast," she spoke, her words getting stronger, more offensive. She sensed the weakness in her brother and fed off it, like kindling to the fire of her rage. "Don't think I haven't noticed the rift between you and him, and you need to fix it, now. And I'm not even going to go further and mention whatever bad tidings are going on between you and Hermione," Ginny finished, yet the minute the words had been uttered she knew she had gone too far. She braced herself for Ron's comeback, yet the event that followed was far from what she expected.  
  
"Shove off," Ron whispered, the rage in his eyes replaced with an ill, watery gaze. "Don't assume you know what you're talking about, 'cause you don't," he muttered as he failed to meet Ginny's eyes. He turned his back quickly and attempted to walk from the room.  
  
"Ron," Ginny beckoned, trying hard to find out what burned within her brother.  
  
"SHOVE OFF!" he bellowed, turning around for a brief second, his face making a weak attempt to hide his pain. He continued his way to the exit of the common room, trying desperately to stalk away as rapidly as he could. He couldn't bear to face his problems; he only wanted to run.  
  
Yet apparently his problems wanted to steal center stage, for he ran hard into Hermione just as he exited from the room. Ron tried hard to pretend as if he didn't notice it was her, to keep his exterior calm. But his judgment was clouded, his mind was numb, and he barely fought as his girlfriend seized the sleeve of his tattered cloak as the portrait that hid the common room swung shut.  
  
"Ron?" She uttered urgently, her voice brimming with concern. Her tiny hand reached up to Ron's face as she caressed his cheek with her thumb. "Is everything okay? You look troubled."  
  
Ron tried his best to stifle a sardonic laugh. He thought about the chasm between them, his hatred for Harry, his altercation with Ginny, the incessant ache that ate away at him when he thought of her.and she had the nerve to ask him, stupidly, if everything were okay.  
  
"I'm fine. Honestly," he told her quickly, brushing her hand a bit too sharply from his cheek.  
  
"But- I'm just," Hermione stuttered, gazing puzzled into his eyes. Yet Ron quickly shut her lips as he bent down and kissed her abruptly.  
  
"I'm fine, okay? Wouldn't I tell you if something was wrong?" He pleaded, wanting desperately to simply get away.  
  
"Well, it's just that-" she started.  
  
"Good! It's settled. I'll see you later," Ron said, a plastic smile smeared across his face, as he jerked the sleeve of his cloak from her grasp and stormed from the common room.  
  
"I love you," she called after him, watching his imposing form leave the room, waiting for a reply that didn't come.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
  
NO CHARACTERS ARE MINE  
  
A/N: Just trying to show how screwed up Ron's life really is. And yes, I DO realize that Ginny is a bit out of character, but my fic takes place a few years in the future, and I'm trying to show how the years have hardened all of them. Reviews are extremely necessary!!! Thanks. ~ jules quintessentialhappenstance@yahoo.com 


	3. Chapter Three

Darkness  
  
By Jules  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Blood pounded through his aching temples. He just wanted to run, to get away, to leave every moment of his past behind him. To think was too painful, so he just.ran. He felt that if he stopped the ache would find him, catch him, shove its problems down his throat until he broke. He didn't want to deal with them, now or ever. Ginny's words echoed through Ron's mind, You need to get over your shit...  
  
"You don't have a goddamn idea how much shit I have, love," he spoke quietly to himself, tripping every so often over his gangling limbs. He wouldn't let them break him. He wouldn't let their problems overtake him. Yet Ron was so embroiled in trying to keep his thoughts at bay that he didn't realize it when he bowled another of them over with a horrendous smash. Reality pushed itself into his brain as he watched a dirt-caked figure fall heavily to the ground in front of him. Harry.  
  
"You overgrown cunt. What the hell's wrong with you?" Harry spoke, rubbing his elbow as he lifted himself to his feet, his soiled quidditch robes leaving filth where he had fallen. But Ron couldn't talk to him. Couldn't face him...Harry was the epitome of what plagued him. Harry was years of pent up anger held in far too long.  
  
"I...Harry...um..." Ron stammered as he backed away. He met the confusion in his best friend's eyes before simply turning around and walking away briskly in a panic.  
  
"Ron! Where the hell are you going?" Harry yelled after him, but no response came. "Ron! C'mon...come back..." he called again, until his words faded into a whisper, listening to Ron's hurried footsteps that rang across the stone corridors.  
  
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A/N: Well would you look at that, an *extremely* short chapter. Oh well. Hope everyone's happy. Lates. ~ Jules quintessentialhappenstance@yahoo.com 


	4. Chapter Four

Darkness  
  
By Jules  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Ron slumped against the frigid tiles of the bathroom floor, his sweaty palms feeling haphazardly against the grime-covered wall for leverage. He knew this place well.  
  
"Moaning Myrtle..." he whispered silently under his breath, his vocal chords resonating with emptiness of his words. His bleary eyes searched warily around the dimly lit room, its cracking stalls and chipped sinks serving as a short of refuge: a look into a sort of dream, a time when he had never known such happiness. Haze filled Ron's weary mind as his memories took him to the beauty of the past. When he and Harry's minds worked diligently as one...when his love for Hermione had just begun to emerge.  
  
The warmth that wrapped itself around him, the feeling that inundated him when he thought of the past-the actual happenings were no more than five years away. But the euphoric wash of security that enveloped him ended abruptly when the rationality of his mind made itself known.  
  
"They're gone. It's done. Let it go," he imprinted into his brain, every word wrenching him painfully from the happiness that his life once was. What was done was done, and it would never be the same again.  
  
Ron knew he should stand up, get to his feet, and leave his sorrow behind. But he couldn't. He just couldn't. In truth, he didn't know what to do.  
  
"Fucking hell," he choked aloud, his pain welling in his throat as he hugged his knees to his chest. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes as he buried his head in his robes. No, nothing would ever be the same again.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Ah, more character development. Tell me if all three of you who are reading this are starting to get bored. Don't worry...the plot will come soon enough. Hmmmmm....my chapters are beginning to be increasingly shorter as time goes on. For the love of god review!!!! Lates ~ jules quintessentialhappenstance@yahoo.com 


	5. Chapter Five

Darkness  
  
By Jules  
  
Chapter Five  
  
"Ron...RON!"  
  
"For Christ's sake, will you shut the fuck up?" Ron stammered, rubbing the sleep from his swollen, bloodshot eyes. It had been two in the morning when he had finally found the strength to lift his pathetic, muttering body from the grimy tiles of Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. It was but three hours later that Ron found himself being shaken violently awake by Seamus Finnegan.  
  
"Astronomy exam," Seamus barked, rolling his eyes as he fished for his wand from his night table.  
  
"What?" Ron asked as he swung his limbs off the side of his bed, only to find he had slept fully clothed, robes and all.  
  
"Final exam..." Seamus answered quickly. "...in five minutes. Sinistra's testing on Betleguese instead of Antares. Announced last night. Thought you knew."  
  
"No," Ron spoke, wondering for a brief second why he didn't know of the change. But he remembered soon enough: Ginny, Hermione, Harry, then running like a bloke and hiding in the bathroom like the pussy that he was.  
  
"Where were you?" Seamus asked absentmindedly, pulling his robes on with little care.  
  
"Library. Um, s-studying," Ron managed to stutter, averting his eyes as he got up from his bed and started towards the exit. He glanced back quickly to shut the door quietly as not to wake Neville and Dean, who had dropped Astronomy, when he noticed that Harry still slept.  
  
"Shouldn't we wake Harry?" Ron whispered after Seamus, who was starting to look severely cross.  
  
"Exempt. At the last minute. Teachers want him to rest up for the Cup tonight," Seamus answered curtly, motioning for Ron to hurry.  
  
"Oh..." Ron replied, abandoning his attempt to leave quietly and slamming the door shut with all his might. The windows shook. He heard a vast array of expletives ensue from inside the dormitory. "Exempt..." he muttered silently to himself. "Of course. I should have expected."  
  
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A/N: Well hello, rather nice to see you again. Plot will come soon, I swear. ~ Jules quintessentialhappenstance@yahoo.com 


	6. Chapter Six

Darkness  
  
By Jules  
  
Chapter Six  
  
Inky blackness pressed thick against the frosted windows of the Hogwarts Express. Ron watched listlessly as the last bits of the English countryside ebbed away from the small sliver of the waning moon. The train jerked incessantly beneath him, causing the fluids of his stomach to slosh uncomfortably from side to side. He took a deep breath of the frigid air as he pulled his tattered cloak around his shoulders, nestling into the quivering upholstery of the seat. A single lantern flickered dimly within the cabin, barely strong enough to make out the person who sat across from him: a slight figure, her neurotic fingers pulling needlessly at her frazzled hair as she stared unflinchingly into a book in the pitiful light.  
  
"Hermione?" Ron called out immediately, his mind free for a brief second of the horrid feelings between them. For but a moment he loved her entirely, his soul brimming with want for her presence. But the beauty of the single moment ended all too quickly, and he was pulled rather harshly into his current situation.  
  
"What?" Hermione answered, her voice simply icy with annoyance as she slammed Crime and Punishment shut.  
  
"S-sorry.nothing," he stammered, embarrassed at his forgetfulness. Tidings between Ron and the rest of the human race had reached a point of utter desperation. Every minute of contact with another was unbearable, so for the last few days of the term, Ron shut himself up in the dormitory entirely. Conversation led to thinking, and thinking was simply far too painful for him to deal with. He had been able to dodge dealing with his problems with Hermione and Harry for years now, but now they knew something was wrong.they knew something burned within him. But how to tell them? How was Ron going to tell them about countless years of suppressed anger? He couldn't. He couldn't deal with that now, or maybe ever. He told himself repeatedly that time would change things, that time would glaze things over. Yet he'd been telling himself that for months now, even years. Therefore, as he always did, time and time again, Ron decided to simply push the problem out of his mind and decide to think about it later. No sense worrying myself about them now, he thought, not when I won't have to see them for three straight months.  
  
Beyond the curtains of his four-poster bed, however, the usual happenings of Hogwarts raged onward. Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup, as expected, and the wonder and glory that was Harry Potter was worshipped even further (if that was possible). Ron watched for three days straight as Harry's wasted body rolled itself into bed at 2 AM every morning, drunk and blubbering from excessive partying with what McGonagall thought was butter beer. People threw themselves repeatedly at the feet of the "conquering hero", and Ron didn't have to worry about any chance meetings between he and Harry. Since their disastrous encounter in the hallway the night before the Cup, Ron had only spoken with his best friend twice. Yet even the simple "good-mornings" that were uttered were laced with tension.  
  
And with Hermione.Ron hadn't spoken with her until this very moment. He felt the ache that accompanied thoughts of her start to well up inside of him once again, tearing at his heart and ripping at the tattered remnants of his soul. Don't think about it, he pounded repeatedly into his brain. Don't think about it, he thought again, gazing out into the void of darkness outside the frozen glass pane of the window.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
NOTHING BELONGS TO ME  
  
A/N: Okay, does anybody else friggin HATE school with a passion??? I sure do, and unfortunately I have to return to it in two days. So.I'm trying to cram in a bit of a new chapter before I return to that-which-makes-me-want- to-vomit-profusely: school. I have exams in a week, so there won't be any bit of a new chapter for at least a few weeks (sorry, to all three of you who read this fic, why don't YOU try to concentrate on your fic when you have 40 chapters of AP Bio to read?). Now, more than ever, I'd really, really, like it if you guys would review, PLEASE. I think I've FINALLY established character traits in this story, so the real complications will come in the next chapter. I'm serious this time. I'm just a sleep deprived little honor student with a heroin-like addiction to Harry Potter, and I'm guessing so are the rest of you who are reading this. So help out a chick in crisis and review. Lates ~ jules quintessentialhappenstance@yahoo.com 


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